Ben M. Smith

CS has pumpkin envy.

It started when D’s parents brought a giant orange pumpkin with them when they came to visit.  CS traditionally brings a shite-ton of pumpkins every year after fall break to give away to people because his family grows far too many of them (at least that’s what he claims), and D had scooped him.  It was hilarious.  After fall break (which I spent with D and his family), no pumpkins emerged when CS returned.  It was eerie.  D and I had brought back a white pumpkin for D’s gf.  Again, scooped, or so we thought.

CS had brought back pumpkins, but he was storing them at his girlfriend’s room in another dorm (she has a single).  20 or so went to her sorority, and the rest appeared in the hallway yesterday.  CS chose the largest one because it was all gnarled and “no one else would want it”.  BS.  He just wanted to compete with D’s pumpkin.  I jokingly told D that CS had “pumpkin envy”.  We laughed, partially because it was possibly true, but also because the pumpkin D brought was one of the SMALL ones from his family, and CS’s largest was barely larger.

In my own way, I think I’ve felt a bit of pumpkin envy.  There’s one member of the senior class who isn’t in my major but takes enough of the classes that he’s probably got a minor.  I’ll call him 1-up, since that’s what he always seems to do when I talk with him.  I hate 1-up, but whenever I see him he’s always talking about the offers he’s received or the interviews he’s being flown out for.  And I get jealous–I’ve heard back from Microsoft and Epic, with both saying they’re going to pursue other candidates, and I’m trying to find other places to apply now that my first  choices aren’t really an option.  I know I shouldn’t let his talk hurt me, but it makes me feel just as inadequate as a SE as the pumpkins D brought made CS feel.

I guess if there’s anything to pull from this, it’s that I shouldn’t do what CS did last night.  He carved about 4 or 5 pumpkins which are outside our room.  He’s showing off, and it’s not making him look any better.

There’s been a lot going on recently that’s ticked me off or put me in a fouler mood, most of which has been omitted from here since I’ve either been too busy to post about it or I felt it didn’t need a second life online.  Anyways, for all the good things that are happening, I’ve mostly been focusing on the bad.

That changed after lunch today.

A few of my good friends are part of the Jewish Culture club on campus, which had a table in the lobby because today was Rosh Hashanah (hereafter abbreviated as RH), the Jewish New Year.  He caught D and I on our way out of lunch, asking us to take  RH with him, and that it would only take a minute.  I had wanted to ask him why, for a second week in a row, there wasn’t a music column in the paper (I’ve written one, as has another DJ, and we figured at least one would be in the paper this week), but decided to wait until after what he had to say.

One of the symbolic foods of RH is an apple slice dipped in honey, representing the sweet things in the year to come.  As we had our apple, he talked about how it was sweet, perhaps too sweet, but just right.  He then told us to think about the good things, the things that drive us to do better, for at least the rest of the day, if not the rest of the year.  And that resonated with me, enough so that I no longer cared that my music review wasn’t in the paper for two weeks in a row.  And the message also made me feel at peace.  And I think it did that for D too, who’s been dealing with even more shit than I have recently.

Will the bad stuff continue to happen?  I’m sure it will, especially with my current suitemates and their various hangers-on.  But I think I’m going to try and keep the RH message in mind–focus on the good that happens and the things that drive me–to get through it.

I’ve been getting a little too free in what I say about CS with others, and it came back to bite me in the ass this morning.  Hard.

CS has the tendency to leave a door open when he leaves, whether it’s his roommate’s door when his roommate is in the process of going to bed or the front door of the apartment when he leaves in the morning (I’m all for an open door policy, but I’d rather not be the only one in the apartment with the door right open if I’m still asleep).  When I woke up this morning, D and his girlfriend (or so I thought) were already well awake and playing on the Wii.  The door was ajar, so I said “Did CS do this?  Did he?”

The response?  “CS is right here.”  Oh. Shit.  I quietly went back to my room and shut the door and just sat there for 10 minutes.  Then took a shower.  Then went back to the room, sat down, and just sort of avoided talking to Colin until classtime.  It still hasn’t come up.  If it does, I’ll be honest, but I seem to be lucky so far.  I need to be careful, double-check, and think before I speak poorly about someone.  Also, not being half-asleep would help.  Good to know that CS isn’t the only one who can be taken down a notch.

I’m all moved in, but my suitemates and I are still going through the stage of our co-habitation where we’re figuring out how each other works.  My roommate (hereafter known as D) and I get along great–over the summer we discussed what was and wasn’t okay and resolved to talk things out and be open with one another if something arose.  So far, that’s been going good.  It’s a little harder with the suitemates (CS and SC), but I think we’re getting there.  It’s tough, though–here’s what happened this weekend and why I feel amazing going into the first full week of classes.

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